Just a few years ago, I fell in love with her. It may have been a bad decision to fall in love with her, but I did anyways. Tomorrow marks the day that started one of my favorite points of my life, and her being in it made it so great. I fell in love with her smile, her laugh, her hugs, her kisses, and her stories. She had it all. She was beautiful, smart, fun to be around...you name it, she was it. She was the first girl I have ever fallen in love with, and I loved every minute of it. I have never been one to be all lovey dovey, but with her, I made it happen. She was everything I could ask for. Not only was she the one I loved, she was my best friend. I could tell her anything, and I did. I was never one to open up to anyone. I was always a laid back secretive guy that no one knew about...until she came into the picture. She knew everything about me, and I had no problem with that. She was exactly what I needed. With her, my life was as best as it has ever been. I was the happiest I have ever been. There wasnt a day where I wasnt smiling. I would be smiling because of her smile. She knew just how to make my day go far bad to great, and with little to no effort what so ever. The sound of her voice was what I needed whenever life was getting me down. She would say hello, and my heart would go crazy, and when she told me that she loved me, it would jump out of my chest. I have never wanted to spend every hour of every day with one person until I fell in love with her. She was my one. She was the one that I would grow old with. She was the one that I would marry. She as the one that would be the mother of my children. I was seriously in love with her.
Then the sadness. We were forced apart. I had my heart taken away from me and exchanged for nothing. Nights and days went by where it felt like there wasn't a beat in there. I knew from there what was going to happen, and I prepared myself for it. I prepared for the worse, and when the worse had happened, I couldn't handle it. Its been over a year since the worse had happened, and I still cant handle it.
When a guy looks into a girls eyes as she is looking back into his, and he is the first to say I love you, he really means it. If a guy beats a girl to the punch, he earned it. In my case, it was simultaneous. I love you came at the same time between us. There was no need for a second thought.
During the sadness, I was watching from above my life take a downward spiral. Everyone has told me that there is no other way but up, but every time I hear that, life goes farther down. Every time life looks like it will make a turn around, it doesn't. Since the sadness started, I have never been able to get back to myself.
The worse part about this is, I just saw her every day this week. She was beautiful. Nothing has changed about her since the day I fell in love with her. When you have loved like I have, you lose your mind when she walks through the doors. You feel like breaking down when she looks at you. You just want to leave and stay away from people for days when she says hello. Then when you actually talk to her, and she still wants to be your best friend, it rips your heart out.
She told me today that saying hi every now and again wont hurt me, but she doesn't know that it will. It kills me inside every time something about her pops up on Facebook. Every time someone talks about her, I get the need to just run away and stay away from people. Whenever I see her, it feels like my heart gets ripped out.
I fell in love with her, and I never fell out of love with her. Everyone has one person for them, and I still believe that she is mine. She has done things to me that no one else has been able to do. I have never felt the need to sit at home alone day in and day out for as long as I have. Ive been living in shadows for the past year and a half waiting, waiting for the right time to tell her this. The right time is approaching and approaching quick. Telling her this wont make a difference, but she has to hear it. Its not like once she hears this from me, the sadness will stop, but it has to be said.
So when you have loved like I have, you have been in love. You can legitimately say you are, or have been in love. If you experience the worse when you have loved like I have, the worse is yet to come. Finally, when you have loved like I have, nothing will stand in your way to turn the word "loved" to a present tense form.
